Life Happens and I am Awakening

I wasn’t going to write another post until I had a deep awakening.

Well, I want to write one now, because I feel it is worth it.

For a long time, I tried to fight with some of my desires in life. This led to inner conflict.

Now, I am changing strategy.

My strategy is doing what I want, being sensible, living naturally, all the while giving effort to cultivate meditativeness.

Last night I went to sleep at 6 AM in the morning after having played Dwarf Fortress and spent a lot of time in front of the computer. Today I woke up at about 12.30 PM. I set up an alarm for a duration of 2 hours. My intention  was to meditate on the Spiritual Heart, and I did. However, I accidentally set the alarm to about 2.30 AM not to 14.30 PM, so when I checked my phone, feeling that the alarm should have already rang, I had been meditating for more than 2 hours, like 2 hours 40 minutes.

After this meditation, I was immensely energetic. I had woken up very drained and tired. 160 minutes of meditation filled me with much energy and I walked and exercised about 4 hours today. Very vigorous exercises. I occasionally ran and throughout the day I probably walked/ran for 15 kilometers. And this level of high energy was achieved from a `not-well-rested` and `woke up tired` state. I was also feeling very light. I had eaten a few fruits and some olives in the morning. That sure had a positive effect but the energy I felt was coming out of the meditation. During the meditation my mind was trying to solve some issues in my life, as I was maintaining a good ratio of my focus on the Spiritual Heart. I wasn’t going for 100% focus, I am almost never at such a level of concentration. But I try to cultivate a state where I am centered on the Spiritual Heart. I feel the energy in my chest, it moves me from time to time.. and I can’t tell every single thing I experience in this article, you know, like how I sit on the bed, how I change sitting position now and then, how I clothe myself, what is going on in my mind.. experiences specific to myself.. but it is not necessary anyway. I am trying to just share some of myself, so that readers can benefit, can have a glimpse of someone else’s experiences, and his perspective.

My main point in this article is, I am living my life, resigned to my fate. Whatever I have created within me, whatever desires, and whatever this world is.. This has to unfold. The word resigned has a negative shadow with it, yes, perhaps, but I also have the desire of surrender. This resignation will lose its negative shadow and will turn into true surrender as I progress, I know. I am cultivating this already.

So, I am living my life. Not giving up everything, every worldly desire. This is too much to do all at once. So, I am living my desires AND focusing on the Spiritual Heart, a few hours a day, and I am trying to increase this gradually. In fact, I don’t want to give up anything. I want to transcend. Whatever exists within me, I want to grow within it, grow throughout it, transcend it, integrate it, encompass it, and become larger, more mature, more awakened. My deepest SELF, can not be changed. This, I know. But all I do, will evolve the creation that I am. So, I am discovering myself by living my life, creating a life for myself AND also increasing my awareness of the depth of myself.

Therefore, there is no reason to deny or fight with my existing desires. Somehow they have been created within this universe. I will let this universe unfold, all the while giving effort to awaken. Focusing on the Spiritual Heart and living in awareness, and experiencing myself as a creative being, through the experiencing of my life. These will, these should advance my realization.

The effects of a long meditation such as today’s spills to the rest of the day. I slip in and out of meditativeness now and then, and even right now, the quiet energy within is moving me in a spiral and I am feeling some activity in my root chakra. It effects the entire day. A moment of life lived, effects the entirety of creation, so a moment of meditativeness or a moment of relative unconsciousness, effects your life.

So, it unfolds. Creation is destined to unfold. All is One, and this Oneness knows what it is doing, and perhaps it is also learning at some level. Like God has created a singular universe that grows and grows, learns more and more, creates an infinite variety of experience within itself. So, I am part of this, and I am inclined to say, I am THIS.

The quiet energy within, that I am able to feel around the center of my chest, it is transformative. Part of my attention is on this energy, and this action is the cultivation of our sensitivity to this energy, our ability to sense this energy.

Enjoy your life and I hope you have benefited from this article.

Update (the next day): A friend asked me what kind of experiences I was having nowadays. I want to copy paste my response to her so that readers may have this information, too.

“Recently I kept up meditativeness, a heart centered living for a month or so, where during the day I tried my best to stay focused on the Spiritual Heart and living as awareness. When I maintain this state, I gradually feel more happy, peaceful, and energetic. But sometimes, I lose my focus and when I start not focusing on the Love within for some days, my experience gradually turns into inner emptiness/unhappiness and I chase after desires to fill this void. Recently I gradually lost heart centered state and my focus was mainly on earthly desires. In about 1 week, I lost a lot of energy, and my mind got very very active gradually. I felt like drunk in the end. These were not negative experiences for me but they were experiences of limitation, and I had suffering as well. Nowadays, I am giving up trying to control my earthly desires purely from the mental level, instead I am trying to build up meditativeness and live my life consciously, as awareness. But I slip in and out of meditativeness, sometimes I am more unconscious, sometimes I am more conscious. Long morning meditations really help me, and I feel their positive effects such as feeling energetic, awake, heart centered, peaceful, with a desire to help people. But my desires such as playing computer games, surfing the Internet, social media, eating junk food, losing some sexual energy now and then, nowadays these are also active. I can say that the more heart centered I am, the less my energy is spent on such desires. But whatever I experience, all of these teach me something, and nowadays, I don’t want to judge anything as wrong or bad. They are just experiences. I want to transcend from judging to being the creator, being one with life. And I feel I am gradually able to do this.”