I always get quite depressed when my friend gets the same grade as me without even trying hard, while I gave all I had. There is also the smartest boy in class who aces every assessment – it stresses and deteriorates me. I can’t help but to compare…
Are you willing to make a huge shift in your understanding? (Because the question you asked at its core requires for you to make such a shift to resolve it fully and satisfactorily for you. This answer will be an in-depth answer that potentially may lead you to question many things. There may be other more superficial level answers that you might want to try first but sooner or later the core of the matter needs to be understood to resolve the pattern fully). If so, read on.
From the normal human perspective, there are 2 kinds of truths in this world. Those that are given to us by others, and the truth of ourselves, coming from deep within us.
When we come to this world, we have an innate sense of what is coming from deep within us but to adapt to this world, we suppress this sense, and accept what is taught to us as our truth about who we are. What is taught to us does not totally suppress our innate knowing, it just distorts it, it brings it into a conditional shape.
Our innate knowing is unconditional love, but what we are taught creates a structure of conditional love within our minds, and furthermore teaches us to identify us with that structure as ourselves. We start to believe that who we are is this thought structure in our minds. Everybody around is doing the same too, it is like a fish in a water tank swimming alongside other fishes who are not aware that they are in a water tank. Water is so commonly everywhere that these fishes become habitually forgetful that something outside it like air exists. And newcomers to the fish kingdom learn this forgetfulness as truth from the current residents.
People commonly live in their thoughts, their mind jumping from thought to thought, and them feeling that they are this personality that these thoughts tell the story about.
And this personality is based on conditional love, it basically creates the perception that you are not this unconditional love coming from deep within your heart, but you deserve love under certain conditions and you don’t deserve love under certain conditions.
There has occurred a split (a perception of duality) in your mind which in its pure form is whole and complete and the world is reinforcing from your birth this belief of separation because this is such a world that most carry this belief.
Once we are into the personality and lose awareness of who we are as this unconditional love, and as our personality starts to develop based upon all our experiences in this world where duality is heavily the norm belief, we become heavily conditioned (as personality) in this perception of conditional love. We become attuned to the judgments of people that live in our environment, our society, more in close and less in far circles. They become so part of who we believe we are that it becomes natural for us to feel them to be true when the right circumstances arise.
In a society that measures the value of a person based on their wealth, certain type of material accomplishments, certain way of thinking, certain type of physicality etc.. and does this from the earliest ages, comparing ourselves with everyone else based on these judgments/values feel very natural to us, it becomes habitual. We don’t even realize most of the time all of this is completely subjective. We are mostly unaware of the unconditional nature of love, and in those moments we feel it, our mind is conditioned immediately to take us to the next conditional thought, because we are believing that we are this thought structure in our minds. We believe in the idea of separation and unaware that it is a belief, so the hypnosis continues as our experience of life unfolds.
We are not helpless however, because as our experience of life builds up, we begin to realize the subjective nature of these judgments, these thoughts, basically every system created by men. Our awareness of ourselves can never be destroyed, because it is our innate nature. So it leads us to greater understanding and more and more wisdom.
We begin to home in to the awareness of this unconditional love again. And the collapse of the illusion starts to accelerate.
To stop comparing your grade results with others, you must realize yourself as this unconditional love that is coming from deep within your heart. You must learn to live this moment to moment, feeling it, and being aware of life as you feel it, so that a new way of living happens, new experiences of unconditional love are created in your life and the illusion of the conditional thoughts, the subjective values that say you don’t deserve love, you are not love starts to dissolve.
Staying as awareness, and feeling the unconditional love in your heart region will teach you this love, and your mind will find satisfaction, because this love is deeply satisfying.
What is staying as awareness? Awareness is the state that we begin to recognize when our mind is getting quieter. It is what already exists as ourselves, but we fail to recognize it like the air we breathe because it is always there and we are focusing elsewhere, such as thoughts in our minds and emotions in our emotional body, or sensations in our physical body.
The energy of Love and the state of Awareness are two aspects of our innate nature. Focusing on the Love in our hearts and staying as Awareness leads to the knowledge of these aspects. Since these are the foundations of reality, all questions start to get resolved as we gain genuine knowledge of these aspects through our experience.
While we are awakening to these deeper truths, we encounter many strong internal experiences, such as strong emotions. In these moments focusing on the deeper love and staying as awareness will keep us centered and allow us to gain the insights that will lead us to the next step.
Once you begin to be established in this Love, in your heart, in other words learn to live your life heart centered, with a greater knowledge of unconditional love, you will recognize when judgments and comparisons arise in your mind but will also recognize that they are all temporary, will all pass and only this Love and the Awareness is permanent. So they will not be an issue as they are right now for you any more.
Some say the Love and the Awareness are also one. I am not at this level yet. But as one’s awareness of Love increases, it increasingly feels like everything is becoming One and one is this as well.