Towards Enlightenment (9): Downward Spiral Accompanied by Vivaldi

17:54, June 19, 2015. Antonio Vivaldi – “Summer” from four seasons … A few hours ago I spoke to a person who is looking for a job, who is in a very difficult financial situation. When we talked, he told me that he was in a very difficult situation, that he had been insulted by someone this morning and that’s when he started crying. He mentioned that he was struggling financially. On my way to get some chocolate, I thought of stopping by and supporting him first, so I went to him first, yes chocolate 🙂 . I sat with him and listened to him, focusing on the Spiritual Heart. He asked me to help him find a job. I told him that it was up to him, that I would help him as much as I could, but it was a matter of luck. He said he would work for me in any job. I found a few people I knew and one of them said he was looking for a helper. He was the 4th person I talked to. I went to the person looking for a job and told him that the person looking for a helper was waiting for us to meet. He asked me if the job was insured. I reminded him that his current income was very low, that he was not earning enough to pay the insurance with his work, and that the person who was going to give him a job was certainly not in a position to pay him a salary and pay the insurance. But he said that he wanted to have a guarantee for 5 years from now in case he became incapacitated. But now he was in great difficulty and hunger. Of course, I support him sometimes, but … what I want to tell you here … he told me that he had nothing to hold on to. What I saw very clearly was… If he had trusted in Allah… he would have gone and worked without insurance, and he would have earned the money that he is not earning now, which would have saved him from his hardship, and he would have helped someone in his work. Some of you may reflexively oppose uninsurance. But there are some facts, friends. In order to pay for insurance, you have to be able to earn the money to pay for it. But this person is unqualified and it is not possible for him to earn that money… it is difficult for him to earn even just the money for his insurance to that employer. Because the job he will do is not a job that brings money at that level… There is no such unskilled job that will cover the insurance here in Lapseki, or it would be very difficult to find… But he would not go hungry if he went and worked, he would be relieved. Insurance costs are always determined by our state, but these systems do not work under all circumstances.

But our friend said that because of his hopeless mood and insecure mood, he had nothing to hold on to and that he had to find an insured job. I explained that this was very difficult because from an employer’s point of view, no one would want to employ someone at a loss, that people hardly pay for their insurance, that there is a lot of waste in the insurance system and that many people are forced to take part in this system against their will. Finally, he said something like I have nothing to hold on to… I need insurance in old age and so on… I said that you have to learn to rely on Allah… Friends are bitter, no matter how much I try to help, if a person doesn’t trust in Allah, things don’t go well for him. Because he rejects the branches of help offered to him without realizing it. Somehow he will have to see the truth, I don’t know how Allah will show him, I don’t know if he will want to see it himself…

I’m home… I’m browsing Facebook in front of the computer with my focus distracted… I’m listening to classical music right now. Because I’m freeing my focus, but not completely letting go, my energy is shaped according to what’s inside and creates a reality for me. As I’m writing this article, I’m maintaining a certain level of consciousness so it doesn’t get out of control.

This is where the color of my experience starts to turn black and white. The painting full of vibrant colors starts to go black and white. But slowly. Because I am not wasting energy yet. I haven’t given up consciousness, I’ve just stopped the progress or slowed it down a lot, but I’m still trying to produce.

I ate the equivalent of 1 slice of bread served outside and at home, about 50 grams of sheep cheese, 2 didos I bought, 1 packet of multi-oprens, 2 glasses of pineapple juice, 15 almonds, 1 green apple.

I went into a state where the energy was slowly draining out of the little holes in the bucket where it stopped rising.

If your devotion is not complete, your energy also starts to drain out through the holes where your ego would drain out. When you put your focus fully (or as intensely as you can) on the Spiritual Heart, those holes close and you start filling up with energy, and when you give up, the holes that are not yet permanently closed start opening again and the energy starts draining again. Something like that happens. That’s the analogy I can make. Now from the color of the writing you should be getting not a high energy like in the previous writings but an energy that is turning black and white. This is the banalization of the experience 🙂 17:51 19 June 2015.

But despite everything, there is an unconditional love that I feel that I can share with you. Because I want to record it so that in those moments when you are not always ascending, you remember that this is also a human thing and you can approach yourself with love… Now, if this fall continues, my dark side, which they call the shadow aspect, will start to emerge. Actually, it is also worthy of love… the part of me that is waiting for love… For example, the part of me that contains the emotions that I did not face today and tried to cover with chocolate. Here it is now playing for you: (you can continue reading while listening for example 🙂 )

(They removed the video, I changed the link to a similar video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g65oWFMSoK0

But that’s okay. You know how it is now? I don’t need a lover anymore. Because the whole world is my lover. I can feel love from God, and because everything is God, I start sharing myself with everyone and everything, just like I share myself with my beloved. Yes, one is ashamed even of one’s beloved, one cannot even show him all one’s darkness. But when you are able to show all your darkness to God, all your darkness will begin to be illuminated by God’s love. Because his light is enough to illuminate the whole universe, and he wants to illuminate it. So there you go… God, I’m opening another part of me to humanity, which is part of you and part of me. We’ve hit the bottom of the lyric. Wow… It was an opening after all. Love, God and Creation.

I am also writing this article with the inspiration of my dear friend Victoria Vives Khuong who presented her Shadow Aspect a few times wearing black robes. I hope that one day you will share yourself and your wounds despite everything and contribute to healing humanity together… But first of all, all the best… 18:04 July 19, 2015.

I haven’t opened all my wounds to sharing… do you understand dear reader? Love yourself as much as you can and love the world. This is what a human brother is trying to tell you. He can tell you as much as he can, but no more… That’s why he needs to work and move forward. He needs to open his heart more. 18:14.