Towards Enlightenment (4): About Moving Beyond the Understanding: “It’s not happening. I cannot focus, I am distracted by desires, by life. I feel very sad.”

July 17, 2015 14:19. We are back from Gallipoli. I was able to maintain my state of centering throughout the journey. But there were times of absent-mindedness, yet there is a growing awareness, a state of centering in the background. I ate a green sour apple and a sesame pretzel that was offered. On the ferry there was a father and a very sweet, cute daughter. He was in love with her and we made eye contact, greeted each other. He offered, my father and I took one each, and I told him it was for the sake of his daughter’s love. On the ferry back I fell asleep for a short time. I wonder if eating anything with sugar weakens me?

Now I am going to sit in meditation and then I will open the thread nicely inshallah. 14:22.

15:39 I meditated, but I think I also lay down for about half an hour. The cat distracted me again in between, but it’s a training for me. I felt a little hungry but I couldn’t decide whether the stomach was empty or the body was really hungry. The body didn’t know whether to eat or not. Then I continued meditating and it passed. Now I’m going to eat some cherries. I’m writing now as I’m eating, I’ve taken a handful of cherries. I’m certainly not trying to suppress or deny my hunger here. I’m just doing what I naturally want to do, but at the same time I’m trying to maintain my focus on the Spiritual Heart. And that’s also causing these experiences of doubts in my mind.

Now let’s make a nice transition here. As I wrote in the title. Is it not happening? Can’t focus? Are you distracted by desires, by life? You may be upset about it. Here’s what I say:

Be who you are and love yourself that way. Love like this, release like this. You don’t have to do anything. Love doesn’t pressure you inside. It respects your free will. It is given to you unconditionally. Focusing is not about clenching your mind and tormenting yourself. On the contrary, if you contract your mind, if you stay focused on the patterns in your mind, you can stop love from flowing through you. I’m talking about being self-contracted, being stuck.

What about desires? Look, I’m making an effort to love them as they are. I’m focusing on the love within me and letting life flow. It comes naturally from within me to do something, I’m not imposing anything on myself from above. My feeling is that if you go into a state of unconditional love, everything happens naturally in your life. There may be desires from the past that come to the surface of your mind. I am never saying to suppress them. You may find yourself starting to realize them willy-nilly. When that happens, just love yourself, focus on love. And be awake… watch, observe, be aware of what is happening. This is how you will learn to live life as it is and mature… God created life with desire. Without desire, would this universe exist? Allah also has a desire to create this universe so that the universe can survive and continue to be created.

Where do the desires in us come from? I would say that some of them are influenced and shaped by the beliefs/value judgments we acquired as children in this life, the cornerstones of our personality about how life works. These in turn have been influenced by the intellectual/emotional and physical state of humanity that has evolved since our ancestors since the foundation of the world that the society we live in inherited, or rather, they have been shaped by the intellectual/emotional and physical state of not only humanity but the world. For example… the role of man and woman has been shaped over the centuries and we carry within us many desires for the role of man or woman. These are not the same in every society. What I have written is just an example of desires… Some desires are related to the universe from outside the world. The world cannot be separated from the universe, can it?

We know ourselves with desires within us, our desires may seem to drag us through life. To take a contradictory, rejecting attitude against this whole mechanism creates a contradiction, a conflict within us. What I want to express here is that we can look at all these dynamics taking place within ourselves and in the universe with a clear eye, with a non-judgmental, non-judgmental awareness, with an eye of unconditional love and give ourselves the opportunity to gain clairvoyance, vision, insight. 🙂 I kicked the cat out of the room, it was attacking too much. Let them play with my father and the other cat he brought as a guest.

So if your desires are distracting you, let it be. Try to love this process, try to remain aware during this process, try to feel love. As long as you see them as they are, you will continue to mature. But remember, the responsibility is yours. I am not saying that if you don’t feel good about realizing a desire, you have to realize it. I mean, there is a saying that whoever sits in anger sits in harm’s way. I’m not talking about being a slave to desires, but I’m talking about loving yourself unconditionally as you are, with all your desires, with all your desires. Sometimes a desire comes through you and you may not do what it says. It may not be in line with your conscience. Your deeper desire may be not to do it, and to stay in awareness with it, to love it as it is.

So there is a movement of our mind from the past. We cannot ignore this movement. We cannot deny its existence. But we can see that it exists, accept it as it is, and direct our focus to the inner energy we want, our intention.

If you believe that this is not the way it should be, and at the same time your energy is flowing to fulfill all the conditions necessary for it to happen, there will be an inner conflict. There may be sadness or disappointment. You may also feel anger. I don’t feel advanced enough right now to write about the fine distinctions of these emotions.

But as you observe life as it is, and as you learn to approach yourself with unconditional love in order to do that, you will begin to accept it as it is. Just as we don’t get upset if the glass is standing still on the table (although rarely anyone gets upset about that), we can approach distractions in our lives, getting caught up in our desires, or being distracted by events in life and getting distracted, with the same spontaneity. We can accept them as they are and move on from where we are.

What can we do right now? It is absolute that we are observing a movement. Life is moving, look around you. Everything is in a state of change. Isn’t this inevitable? Instead of resisting this change, wouldn’t it be healthier to recognize it, accept it and react accordingly? You can also say that it is not healthy, I want it not to change, and you can also try to create your own time and space capsule. You are free in this too. But when you create this capsule, there will always be something outside and beyond your control. Every time you look at this world outside your control with the desire to see the inside of the capsule as the only reality, you will see something unknown, something world-destroying, something disappointing, or something outside your expectations. So it will be your choice whether to live yourself in this capsule or to meet life in its full reality.

It will be your choice to turn towards the truth, to turn towards the unconditional love of God and find it, so that you can accept what seems unacceptable here, in a way, to find the strength within you to accept what seems unacceptable, to be that strength, to be that energy… If there is a reality that is unacceptable to you, unlovable, and you continue to choose to keep it that way, you will continue to stay in a capsule, in your ego, which excludes it. It is not wrong or right, it is what it is. That’s enough for now. 16:25 July 17, 2015.

16:35 I’ll add one more thing. I’ll write a proposition about the cause of the contradiction. If we keep approaching ourselves with conditional love while we are looking for unconditional love, while we are looking for God, can we reach the result? Wait a minute, there is ourselves and then there is us approaching. Can you see the difference? There is ourselves and the approacher in the sentence. The truth is as follows. There is a structure inside us made up of thoughts that we think are our own. This structure is built in such a way that we have begun to think it is ourselves. And it is a structure based on conditional love. It is called the ego. As you focus on unconditional love, the ego starts to dissolve and you start to see life as it is with clear vision, not through the window of this virtual capsule. And once you start to understand how you can do it, you realize that life can be lived very well like this, and that happiness is not something unattainable, but how you use the life energy that flows to you in the form of unconditional love, which depends on your choices. The energy of unconditional love is actually the purest form of happiness in a way. So… it’s up to you from now on. How much you want unconditional love… what you will not give up… these are all your choices… and the results will be how your life is shaped.

By the way 🙂 I stubbornly write the word something in contiguous form, it feels more natural to me that way. Let TDK come after me now. 🙂

Now this text has become a major mental activity. I started to forget my center. Now it’s time to center. I am publishing this text. It’s all done. I don’t even need to read it again because I feel it’s done. 16:46 July 17, 2015.

Footnote: I drank about 100 ml of plain mineral water. I’ll add that too.16:35 I’ll add one more thing. I’ll write a proposition about the cause of the contradiction. If we keep approaching ourselves with conditional love while searching for unconditional love, while searching for God, can we reach the result? Wait a minute, there is ourselves and then there is us approaching. Can you see the difference? There is ourselves and the approacher in the sentence. The truth is as follows. There is a structure inside us made up of thoughts that we think are our own. This structure is built in such a way that we have begun to think it is ourselves. And it is a structure based on conditional love. It is called the ego. As you focus on unconditional love, the ego starts to dissolve and you start to see life as it is with clear vision, not through the window of this virtual capsule. And once you start to understand how you can do it, you realize that life can be lived very well like this, and that happiness is not something unattainable, but how you use the life energy that flows to you in the form of unconditional love, which depends on your choices. The energy of unconditional love is actually the purest form of happiness in a way. So… it’s up to you from now on. How much you want unconditional love… what you will not give up… these are all your choices… and the results will be how your life is shaped.

By the way 🙂 I stubbornly write the word something in contiguous form, it feels more natural to me that way. Let TDK come after me now. 🙂

Now this text has become a major mental activity. I started to forget my center. Now it’s time to center. I am publishing this text. It’s all done. I don’t even need to read it again because I feel it’s done. 16:46 July 17, 2015.

Footnote: I also drank about 100 ml of plain mineral water.