How Can I Stop Being My Own Worst Enemy?

In the comments section you have written that you were depreciated, deprecated and denigrated all the time as a child and you run yourself down because of this behavior, and that you feel you don’t count as a person.

You were raised in an environment where you were not valued as much as you knew you were valuable. That is why you felt depreciated and similar feelings. A part of you knew that you had worth, that these behaviors were not representing your true worth.

In time, you became more and more aware of this part that knows your true worth, and now you are expressing more and more solidly the knowledge that you have within yourself. Yet.. there seems to be a conflict.. this part that knows your worth, and a part of you seems to be working against you.. working in contradiction with this knowledge of your worth.

You are already doing the best you can do that you are capable of. But be sure that this will be better and better. You will discover your genuine worth more.

Compare yourself to your child self.. when you were a child.. weren’t you less wise and more dependent on your caretakers as your source of survival and guidance? It was easier to believe what they did was important and determinant of your self worth..

And now.. you are looking at life.. and realizing that evidence points otherwise.. you feel there is a deeper truth than what they seemed to imply to you through their behaviors.. A deeper inner worth is trying to express from within you and you are becoming aware of this.

So.. continue to observe yourself.. know that these thoughts from your past are just content in your mind.. they are not you, you are the observer, the awareness that all this content is playing within. As this awareness you can focus deeper than this content, focus on the unconditional love deeper than all the activity in your mind. You are not this story, this story is just happening within you and you are believing you are this story, this is where the source of your suffering is.

You are identified with this story as yourself.. and you haven’t fully discovered yourself as the awareness, so you keep believing this story will and can determine how you will feel in your future. It surely affects how you feel now.. but if you focused deeper than the story to the unconditional love within, then, the story will begin to be transformed into a story of true self worth.. Because true self worth is realized through the experience of this unconditional love coming from our deepest core.. We are in fact this unconditional love in our depth.. This is the purest, highest experience of happiness. The more we realize it as experience, the more we experience this purity, and happiness.

So here are the points that can help you in summary:

1- Realize that you are the awareness that all this story in your mind, all your life experience happens within. Be this awareness in every moment you can be.

2- Focus on the unconditional love deeper than this story in every moment you can.. You are already working towards this.. just keep working, just keep focusing deeper and deeper into its realization. This is focusing on genuine self worth. You have already progressed, now you can discern you have been undervalued.. just keep going.. and you will begin to experience your inner worth more/deeper and longer (more and more established in your moment to moment experience than not). You will also begin to see the contrast between this story playing in your mind that tells you you don’t matter as a person and this genuine inner worth. Stop empowering the thoughts that undervalue you.. by stopping identifying with them as yourself.. and staying as the awareness and focusing on unconditional love.

3- The old reality, the old story will continue to be transformed as you keep doing this. The key is to understand that you are not the content in your mind, and as you keep creating a deeper experience of unconditional love and awareness of yourself as this awareness, the understanding in your mind will naturally get transformed with these new experiences of greater awareness of your true self. This will create a greater and greater understanding of your true worth in you, and once this is in you, this is in you.. nothing can take it away..

To realize yourself as the awareness and to learn how to focus on the unconditional love within, to understand more about what kinds of obstacles you can encounter on your path, you can also study the following article and start to practice the key ideas in it and in this answer:

What is meditation? How to practice meditation.